It's my birthday and they're arguing again.
I wish i was never born.
I know they try. they try to hide it from me.
But i can tell they're unhappy.
There once was love, but now nothing but sadness and heart break
I know they love me, but it's hard to see through the tears.
They tried so hard to make it work.
they wanted to stay together for "the kids"
But was it worth more heartache and tears?
So many attempts and little success,
finally they called it quits.
Its over. No more heartache and tears
or is that still just a dream?
Why is it that it still comes to this?
Why was I not enough
did i really depress you that much
could you not handle it
or is that your way out?
Did you think i did not need you?
I am 20 now and my heart still aches for that attention that only a mother can give.
My dad does what he can, but he can not do everything.
He's my superman, but what i needed was a superwoman.
A mother I could look up too.
A mother to do my make up and get me ready for prom
A mother to be there for my first heart break
A mother to tell me I was beautiful when the world told me other wise
Did you really think I did not need that, I did not need YOU?
Friday, December 12, 2008
Reflection (an old one from facebook too)
With every new beginning comes excitement, change, and new opportunities. Coming into this semester i knew things would be different, but what this semester had in store was something completely different that i had originally thought.
This summer i found out that two of my best friends were not coming back to NGU so i knew things would be different there. I thought that i wouldn't have them to lean on, to talk about my problems with, but thankfully none of that happened. True i couldn't just walk to their room and cry, laugh, and talk to them, but they were there for me through everything. I started to realize that having a friend close by all the time does not dictate your friendship. Friendship to me is more of the heart and not the location. I love them more then ever and now know that the friendship we have is real and forever. They're truly the girls that i can see myself being friends with through it all, heck, they might even be in my wedding =]
Another thing i have learned is that even though you might be best friends, there is still going to hard times. The important thing is to talk about them and not let it get the best of you. Being friends is not always going to be the easiest thing, like in the movie the notebook when Noah tells Allie they will have to work at the relationship every day. I know that's kind of extreme to compare it to, but it's true. Friendship takes work. Even those who are closest to you seem to be the furthest away.
Remember the old saying "make new friends, but keep the old". Yeah well, it is not that simple. I wish it was, why is it impossible for a person to make new friends and hang out with them without others getting mad at you. This semester had allowed me to make many new friends that a cherish more and more. The length of time of being friends does not determine how deep of a friendship two people have. I look forward to next semester to see what happens.
This semester has also brought huge changes in "my" career plans. I have learned to submit to God's will and not my own, or one that pleases those around me. People might not understand at first why you are making the change, but as long as you and God knows what is going on everything will be alright. God's will is not the easiest thing to to, but it is the best thing to do.
Along the lines of pleasing people, it's impossible. There is no possible way that you can please every one! People are confusing, they never know what they want.
This semester has brought a lot of change in my life and to me change is not a bad thing. I like to see how God continues to use me and see how he is changing my life for His glory.
I am excited to see what next semester has in store!!
This summer i found out that two of my best friends were not coming back to NGU so i knew things would be different there. I thought that i wouldn't have them to lean on, to talk about my problems with, but thankfully none of that happened. True i couldn't just walk to their room and cry, laugh, and talk to them, but they were there for me through everything. I started to realize that having a friend close by all the time does not dictate your friendship. Friendship to me is more of the heart and not the location. I love them more then ever and now know that the friendship we have is real and forever. They're truly the girls that i can see myself being friends with through it all, heck, they might even be in my wedding =]
Another thing i have learned is that even though you might be best friends, there is still going to hard times. The important thing is to talk about them and not let it get the best of you. Being friends is not always going to be the easiest thing, like in the movie the notebook when Noah tells Allie they will have to work at the relationship every day. I know that's kind of extreme to compare it to, but it's true. Friendship takes work. Even those who are closest to you seem to be the furthest away.
Remember the old saying "make new friends, but keep the old". Yeah well, it is not that simple. I wish it was, why is it impossible for a person to make new friends and hang out with them without others getting mad at you. This semester had allowed me to make many new friends that a cherish more and more. The length of time of being friends does not determine how deep of a friendship two people have. I look forward to next semester to see what happens.
This semester has also brought huge changes in "my" career plans. I have learned to submit to God's will and not my own, or one that pleases those around me. People might not understand at first why you are making the change, but as long as you and God knows what is going on everything will be alright. God's will is not the easiest thing to to, but it is the best thing to do.
Along the lines of pleasing people, it's impossible. There is no possible way that you can please every one! People are confusing, they never know what they want.
This semester has brought a lot of change in my life and to me change is not a bad thing. I like to see how God continues to use me and see how he is changing my life for His glory.
I am excited to see what next semester has in store!!
An old post from facebook
Yesterday(Saturday) was a really crappy day for me, not only did i have an 8 am exam ON A SATURDAY, but everything just seemed to go wrong. Everything that bugged me all semester just escalated and I found myself getting aggravated with everything and every one. I felt like no one really cared and I was a burden to most people. I felt like i was just sitting and watching everything go down the drain, i had no motivation to do anything and just sulked in my misery most of the night.
Luckily today was a new day. I slept late and just relaxed most of the day, and then on to Upper Room Fellowship. A very common phrase used at URF is "tonight is going to be a little different" and tonight truly was. We were in a new location and we were forced to be closer (literally) to people then most would find comfortable. I was unsure about tonight and did not find myself in the spirit to worship, but God has a way of using us, even when we feel useless. As we were singing I just grabbed the Bible that was sitting next to me. Almost right away God revealed Himself to me. I flipped to Romans 8 and started reading in verse 18. (Passage posted below) The first thing I read was basically stating that even though I suffer now, there will be a day of glory that God will reveal to us in due time. In this i found hope.
After feeling like the world was out to get me and I had no purpose God assured me that even though i suffer now, there will a time when there will be no pain and suffering and i will be with my Lord and Savior. In that we should find hope. We have freedom in that. We might not now where the Lord will take us or when He will reveal His complete glory to us as His sons and daughters, but as the passage states, we should wait for it patiently.
I might not be perfect, but thank the Lord that He sent the most perfect thing to all of creation. He sent us His son to be OUR sacrifice, and yet i still find myself letting the little things get me down. Why is it that this simple fact does not keep me satisfied. Why do i seek more? Of course i disclose these thoughts by saying, im only human, but thinking more on them, i can not use this as an excuse. I am not just human, but i am a Christian who should seek Christ in everything. I dont want to be the person who says meaningless excuses to make themselves feel better.
The God is preparing me for something, i feel it, i just dont know what. He sure does though. Im really ready to see what God has in store.
ROMANS 8:18-25
18 Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later. 19 For all creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who his children really are. 20 Against its will, all creation was subjected to God’s curse. But with eager hope, 21 the creation looks forward to the day when it will join God’s children in glorious freedom from death and decay. 22 For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We, too, wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children,[a] including the new bodies he has promised us. 24 We were given this hope when we were saved. (If we already have something, we don’t need to hope[b] for it. 25 But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.)
Luckily today was a new day. I slept late and just relaxed most of the day, and then on to Upper Room Fellowship. A very common phrase used at URF is "tonight is going to be a little different" and tonight truly was. We were in a new location and we were forced to be closer (literally) to people then most would find comfortable. I was unsure about tonight and did not find myself in the spirit to worship, but God has a way of using us, even when we feel useless. As we were singing I just grabbed the Bible that was sitting next to me. Almost right away God revealed Himself to me. I flipped to Romans 8 and started reading in verse 18. (Passage posted below) The first thing I read was basically stating that even though I suffer now, there will be a day of glory that God will reveal to us in due time. In this i found hope.
After feeling like the world was out to get me and I had no purpose God assured me that even though i suffer now, there will a time when there will be no pain and suffering and i will be with my Lord and Savior. In that we should find hope. We have freedom in that. We might not now where the Lord will take us or when He will reveal His complete glory to us as His sons and daughters, but as the passage states, we should wait for it patiently.
I might not be perfect, but thank the Lord that He sent the most perfect thing to all of creation. He sent us His son to be OUR sacrifice, and yet i still find myself letting the little things get me down. Why is it that this simple fact does not keep me satisfied. Why do i seek more? Of course i disclose these thoughts by saying, im only human, but thinking more on them, i can not use this as an excuse. I am not just human, but i am a Christian who should seek Christ in everything. I dont want to be the person who says meaningless excuses to make themselves feel better.
The God is preparing me for something, i feel it, i just dont know what. He sure does though. Im really ready to see what God has in store.
ROMANS 8:18-25
18 Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later. 19 For all creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who his children really are. 20 Against its will, all creation was subjected to God’s curse. But with eager hope, 21 the creation looks forward to the day when it will join God’s children in glorious freedom from death and decay. 22 For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We, too, wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children,[a] including the new bodies he has promised us. 24 We were given this hope when we were saved. (If we already have something, we don’t need to hope[b] for it. 25 But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.)
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Is Christmas really christmas any more?
It's Christmas break!! yay. As I go into this time of season I began to wonder how we have come to this point. How is it that so many Americans look at Christmas as a time out of school or a time that family gets together to have a lots of food and presents and join in on the "holiday cheer"?
Well me being me, I started to break down the word Christmas and looked to see how it originated. I googled the word Christmas and found that if you break it down into two parts it means "Christ Festival". There are other words that could be used but i chose to use festival because it fits in with where im going with this. Further looking into the meanings of words we find that Christ is another word for "the anoited one" and festival means a celebration. So therefore Christmas should be a time that we celebrate the anoited one. It is His birthday after all. Only seems right.
Unfortunally this is not the case in many American homes. This time is a time for kids to get the gifts they waited for all year, a time where familys use the excuse to get together and eat wayy to much food. A time where kids look forward to being out of school and just relaxing all day for about 2 weeks, or if your lucky enough a whole month.
It's time to get back to the true meaning of Christmas, a time where Christ is truly celebrated. Without Him we would not have a purpose. So shouldnt we give Him the thanks he deserves for being born on this earth to free us from sins. He didn't have to do it, and if i was him i probably wouldnt have. That's why he is God and I am not. Arent you all lucky (haha). In all seriousness though...Here in America, Christmas has become nothing more then another money making holiday and that is sad to me. Since when has the true meaning been forgotten?
Well me being me, I started to break down the word Christmas and looked to see how it originated. I googled the word Christmas and found that if you break it down into two parts it means "Christ Festival". There are other words that could be used but i chose to use festival because it fits in with where im going with this. Further looking into the meanings of words we find that Christ is another word for "the anoited one" and festival means a celebration. So therefore Christmas should be a time that we celebrate the anoited one. It is His birthday after all. Only seems right.
Unfortunally this is not the case in many American homes. This time is a time for kids to get the gifts they waited for all year, a time where familys use the excuse to get together and eat wayy to much food. A time where kids look forward to being out of school and just relaxing all day for about 2 weeks, or if your lucky enough a whole month.
It's time to get back to the true meaning of Christmas, a time where Christ is truly celebrated. Without Him we would not have a purpose. So shouldnt we give Him the thanks he deserves for being born on this earth to free us from sins. He didn't have to do it, and if i was him i probably wouldnt have. That's why he is God and I am not. Arent you all lucky (haha). In all seriousness though...Here in America, Christmas has become nothing more then another money making holiday and that is sad to me. Since when has the true meaning been forgotten?
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